Since completing The Sum’s Power of Difference Institute I have had a much better understanding of my extreme privilege and how systems of oppression have worked and are now working. “Understanding” is an excellent piece of the learning, but I’ve come to realize that there is much more to this work than pure mind-based comprehension of these complex issues. What I also began to integrate within myself was a visceral learning about my privilege, the impact of going unconscious as a privileged person, an inkling of what it might be like to move through the world with less privilege, and a new kind of gentleness towards myself that has facilitated an increased ability and willingness to look at real world moments and see systems of oppression at work. Because the format of the Institute paired and grouped me with a variety of people who I learned from through the prompts and exercises and because The Sum’s approach is so compassionate and supportive even toward people at “the top” I was able to start tuning in differently to the world around me moment by moment. I also have come to understand the 3 primary patterns as outlined in the Power of Difference Model and saw that for me to show up for others more powerfully I (as someone in the Sensitivity pattern) needed to non-violently power-up.

One example of this unfolded at the UPS store. I was in line with my package along with multiple other people. There were 2 or 3 cashiers working that day. As I waited my turn someone in the back room started speaking loudly and disparagingly about trans people.  I don’t remember his exact words but they were heavy and angry and judgemental. There hasn’t been a time that I might hear something like that and not dislike it, but in the past I would likely have simply gone home and complained about it later to a friend and then proceeded to more or less hate the person. This time I was in a different space. When I got to the front of the line I asked the cashier if I could speak to the manager. He asked what I needed and I said I wanted to say something to him or her about the transphobic talk I was hearing from the back. The young man hesitated and then lowered his voice to say, “That is the manager.”  I almost stopped there. The cashier and I both paused and I finally said that I’d like to speak to the manager anyway. I was able to find a way to speak about my own feeling of discomfort, to say that I wasn’t ok with that kind of hate speech, and to say  that I didn’t want to patronize a business that was going to support attitudes like that. Even from my place of privilege as an educated white, straight, able-bodied, cis woman I was terrified the whole time. This was well out of my norm. Nevertheless, I was able to stay steady, firm, and also compassionate. I didn’t attack the manager but I also didn’t shy away from how I felt about what he had been saying. I didn’t try to convince him to think differently either. It felt like I stayed in “my lane” while making a powerful statement. The whole interaction took a minute or two. The manager heard me and then returned to the back room. The whole thing was a giant victory for me, moving through old habits of fear and stuckness and – quite honestly – the easy route of avoiding the potential “danger” of saying something (after all, with my privilege I can stay nice and comfy and not feel the impact of such things too much if I hold my nose and look away.)

There was one more thing that happened that was a great gift to me. After the manager left the cashier leaned in a bit, thanked me, and told me that he was in a relationship with a trans person and that it felt absolutely horrible to have to listen to the manager’s rant.  It was such a gift that he shared that with me because I was really happy with what I had said already, but the fact that the cashier was in a vulnerable position and could feel my solidarity with him helped me see that that can happen any time. Who knows who else at the registers or in the line was also impacted by hearing our exchange. I’m not trying to say I’m some savior or something. It is just simple day to day moments, when lived with alignment with myself and others, that can make a difference. Once I had the support within myself and a guide to see what direction would most help me take a stand for everyone involved I was able to be braver, feel better in myself, and be more connected to others around me.

 ~ CMBC, 12/29/24